We at Wedding Outlook have been to weddings with and without children, and hey, we love ‘em both. But we also know that preventing children from attending your wedding can be tricky, just as entertaining invited children can be. Here’s your guide to dealing with either scenario.

 

 

Many brides and grooms prefer an adult-only ceremony and reception, and it’s perfectly understandable. It makes for a more formal affair (after all, when was the last time you saw rugrats at a black-tie ball?), it prevents wailing babies from crying over your officiant’s words, and it’s an easy way to cut back your guest list. However, it can be a delicate matter when it comes to the feelings of the good friends and family.

 

First and foremost, if you make the decision to exclude children, you MUST STAND FIRM on that decision if you want to avoid conflict with family and friends, some of whom will be very resentful if Aunt Bea’s kids were invited, but Uncle Tom’s were nixed. Make it an across-the-board rule, for example: No children under 14 will be attending our wedding. Of course, there will be exceptions. You might make an exception for immediate family only (siblings, children of siblings, and/or your own children). If you make any other exceptions, expect to get some dirty looks. That’s why Wedding Outlook recommends you give “tasks” to those exception kids. For example, if you absolutely must invite so-and-so’s kids or hell will freeze over, make those kids ring bearers, flower girls, program persons, gift bearers (in religious ceremonies), prayer readers, etc. That way you can say, “Oh, I had to invite little Jessica because she was a flower girl.”

 

Wedding Outlook believes in the power of word-of-mouth, especially when it comes to tricky wedding scenarios. That’s why we recommend that you tell everyone in the bridal party about your no-children rule: bridesmaids, groomsmen, and mothers/fathers of the bride and groom. They can get the word out to your family and friends that no tots are allowed at your wedding.

 

When it comes to your wedding invitation, you should include the names of ONLY those people who you wish to attend. So leave off the kids’ names as well as “and family” and pray that the invitees realize that their children are not invited, since only the parents’ names are on the envelope. Some brides and grooms choose to include the words “adult reception” on the wedding invitation. While this practice is nontraditional—and some might argue a smidge tacky—it is an easy way to get your point across to everyone.

 

Some guests will still assume they can bring their kids, even if the kids’ names weren’t on the invitation envelope, so pay close attention when you get your reply cards back to see if guests include their children’s names on the reply. If so, you’ll have to contact those guests and tell them no children will be attending. We recommend you have the mother of the bride or groom (respectively) contact the person if it’s a relative. If it’s a friend, your maid of honor or best man could contact the person, or you could suck it up and make the call yourself.

 

Be prepared for phone calls and e-mails from people who try to finagle their kids in. Remember to stand firm, but be polite and understanding, and say something like, “I adore your kids, Beth, but we just had to keep the guest list down.”

 

A great way to show that you do indeed understand how difficult it can be for parents to leave their children behind is to recommend local babysitters. You could even hire a trusted babysitter to watch over some of the children in a hotel room if your reception happens to be at a hotel. Just remember the general rule of thumb that for every 5 children, there should be one caregiver. You can also recommend an online service whereby parents can find local screened babysitters, such as www.babysitters.com or www.care.com.

 

There are always going to be a few guests who scoff at an adult-only reception, but for the most people are used to it, and many even prefer it! Remember that your big day is about what YOU and YOUR GROOM want above all else.

 

The good news about including children at your wedding is that you won’t offend any parents who just hate to leave their kids behind. That is, if you intend to allow ALL guests to bring their children. If you pick and choose, then you’re going to offend some guests, and we don’t recommend that path. It’s all or nothing.

 

You can use word-of-mouth through your bridal party (mothers of bride and groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen) to tell people that children are indeed invited to your wedding. You can also include the words “and family” on the INNER envelope of your wedding invitation. Do not put those words on the outer envelope if you have a formal invitation. But if it’s informal, go ahead and include “and family” on the outer envelope.

 

Of course, young childrens’ moods shift faster than a seesaw, so be prepared for possible criers during your ceremony or hyper kids crashing into adults on the dance floor. While kids’ antics might annoy some, others find that their presence is entertaining and adorable—and often makes for some of the funniest photos and memories.

 

But if you’d prefer to keep the kids entertained, by all means go for it. It will ensure that they’ll have a great time and stay away from the cake you paid so much money to display! You could hire a magician or a clown to entertain the kids during the reception. Some reception sites might have a private room that you could rent for the children, where they could be separated from the adults. If you go that route, you’ll have to hire caregivers to watch over the children (1 caregiver for every 5 kids); you can buy a bunch of used board games and toys from a thrift shop and throw in some play dough, pads, crayons, and pipe cleaners for the children to enjoy.

 

There’s always going to be at least one ornery kid at a wedding, but that’s life, and it’ll add to the stories you tell your future grandkids about your wedding day!